Brett?

The poet in me has four words and one exclamation mark for you:

What

Are

You

Thinking?

The other day I'm at work and there's a phone call for me. It's not unusual that the phone's for me but when the voice on the other end is a friend - that's unusual.

"Did you hear the news?" my friend Jan says, in a whisper. I look around, look around to see if anyone else has noticed that I'm acting strange because a friend has called me at work. No one's around. But I'm nervous for more reasons than one. Jan sounds serious. Serious with an echo of hysteria brewing in that whispering voice. I sit down and say, "No," and pause because Jan would only call me at work if it was big news - something serious. My palms sweat. I gulp. Look around again.

Jan's voice deepens and she says, "Favre signed a three year deal with Minnesota."

She guffaws.

"NO!" I shriek.

"Yes!"

I slap my thighs - crack up. Crack up and it is the most satisfying crack up I've experienced in months. "No. No." I squeal. Laugh, I laugh hysterically and she laughs with me and it's not that we are laughing at Brett Favre - we are not. But we have been through this on again off again thing with him for so long now - this is an event. The resurrection, the retirement resurrection - again!

At first it was heartbreaking - the initial retirement - the newest unretirement is gut-wrenching, a belly ache - another unpredictable play in Favre's career. Shocking? Shocking enough to call your friend, at work, when you haven't had the time to speak to each other in weeks!!

Never a dull moment in the NFL - ah, and here it is, back again - everything worthwhile makes a comeback!

I dreamt I was...

Last night, I dreamt that I was Cristiano Ronaldo. I regularly have strange dreams. This one took the prize. Many a famous person, athletes, writers, philosophers, politicians, you name it, have appeared in my dreams but I've yet to dream of being one of them. How did I know I was Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese national who the Gods have been showering in good fortune for the past year and a bit; the highest paid right-winger ever to grace a football pitch; the new Real Madrid winger who was bought from the mighty Manchester United for 80 million pounds. The most any team has ever, ever paid for a player. How did I know I was him and not merely dreaming of him. I'll tell you how I knew - the feeling. I have never felt like I did the night I dreamt I was Cristiano Ronaldo - never. It was a fleeting dream. I, as Cristiano Ronaldo, walked into a diamond studded room. I as Cristiano Ronaldo, felt a little anxious at first, that feeling one has when you're still young enough to feel momentarily unsure of your surroundings. Then everyone in the room who was sitting down stood up. The crowd of people standing parted. Then, I, as Cristiano Ronaldo, remembered that I am no ordinary boy anymore. No. I am the highest paid footballer ever. I am an empire. Then later in the dream, though fleeting it had a few scenes, one of which I as Cristiano Ronaldo fell asleep and had a dream - the dream within a dream scene in which I couldn't kick the football. I had two left feet. I could not live up to the hype, the paycheque and that's when I as Cristiano Ronaldo woke up, sweating and ill. Then I, as myself, woke up, relieved that it was all a dream.

Launching my new book - Animal - Friday, June 19th

Hey Ya'll:

This coming Friday I'd love it if you attended the launch of my new book!

This is the invite my superb publisher supplied:

Anvil Press & McNally Robinson Booksellers are
pleased to invite you to join us in celebrating the
release of Alexandra Leggat’s new collection of
short fiction ...

ANIMAL

Friday, June 19th • 8:00 pm

McNally Robinson Booksellers
at the Shops of Don Mills
1090 Don Mills Road
(corner of Lawrence Ave. East & Don Mills Rd.
Events Space, 2nd Floor)
Free Event • Reading • Signing
www.anvilpress.com info:

I really hope you can come, not only because I'd love you to attend the book launch but to check out the greatest new bookstore in town, McNally Robinson Booksellers - where it's all about the book, in all its brilliance, and reading, reading, reading; the good it does.

Come to the restaurant, Prairie Ink, have dinner or a drink before the launch, bring your kids,(superb children's book section!) Have a drink in the restaurant after the launch, listen to some music, sit on the patio, talk about books or whatever the hell you want to talk about on a breezy summer evening. It's not just about my new book, come out and experience all the cool happenings here.

Hope to see you!!!

Cheers!

Animal

Well, it's been a while since I've had a moment to write. and so many great football games have come and gone - in the original sense of the word. Man U is about to wrap up another spectacular year - goddamn them - Chelsea have been robbed once again and yet I'm thinking you reap what you sow - and John Madden sadly retired from the other football, a big loss in every sense of the word and Tony Kornheiser rightly retired from Monday Night Football - he is what he is in his own realm and we love him for that and John Grudin steps into a role I think he'll excel at. The World Cup is breaths away and the air is warming up - all is good.

As bad as I am at self-promotion, she says with a blog in her name - my new book Animal will be launched in Vancouver May 30th, the name of the bar escapes me at this moment but I'll post it later. This Sunday May 24th, I'm reading at the Steam Whistle Brewery in Toronto from 3-4 as part of the brewery's Open Door event, where they allow the public to venture into where the magic is made to check out the architecture, eat fries, drink beer and listen to literature in all its forms - who can ask for more - beer, food, literature and architecture - nice. And on June 30th, I'm launching Animal at the new McNally Robinson bookstore at the Shops at Don Mills.

I hope you can all attend.

How about those Jays!

My Oscars

The Pro Bowl is to this football fan what the Oscars is to the sycophant. It's my chance to see many of my favorite players in one place at one time. It doesn't matter so much what they are wearing, what they look like at all. In fact unlike the Oscars, there's just a lot of talent in one place at one time and that's what thrills me. I know that there are many diehard NFL fans that cannot stand the Pro Bowl, will not watch it and think it's an insult to the game. Sure there's never much of a game. However, it's one last game, one last time to see the likes of say Peyton Manning until August. Weekends are harsh already. I don't know what to do on Sundays, I make plans with friends every Monday night I can. So as much as the Pro Bowl is not about who wins or loses or how they play the game - it's a few hours of football before the long withdrawal.

There's no place like home

Like getting swooped up in the eye of a storm and planted in some strange fictional reality with yellow brick roads, talking lions, scarecrows, tin men and flying monkeys, my time spent as the coach of a fantasy football team was not all its cracked up to be. Ironically, the last time I wrote an entry here was while I was immersed in the excitement of joining a fantasy football league. Like being lost in Oz, I disappeared, got caught up in illusion and no there is no wizard behind the mask - just some little guy pushing buttons and getting nowhere. That's how I felt as a fantasy football coach. Fantasy, a misnomer, because, truly, how many participants of fantasy football are really, really having a great time. Living my fantasy should not cause me so much strife.

For example, early on when I learned how to, I got rid of players I thought would be a hindrance to my progress in the league and I scooped up a little dude named Darren Sproles who was supposed to take the NFL by storm. Well, he did take the league by storm, but not until the last regular game of the season when the Chargers Tomlinson pulls his groin and they throw in Sproles. By this time I'm knocked out of my fantasy league, didn't make the playoffs and the unceremonious end to the season occurs. That's it. It's over. No awards ceremony, no drinks with the other coaches to chat about the season - nothing - silence and Darren Sproles rides off in the sunset as one of the greatest little running backs. Where were you when I needed you Sproles? That's no fantasy.

I was grateful to be asked to join a fantasy football league, I appreciate the thought. But I can tell you it's something I will not do again. Give me Sunday and Monday from September to January relaxing on the couch in my ruby slippers with not a worry in the world outside of the success of my favourite team and players. Because when it comes to football there's nothing like the real thing - there's no place like home.

Fantasies dashed

When fantasy turns to nightmare, one must ask themselves, why? Why do I do this to myself? At the start of every NFL season I say, Alexandra, just watch the games, don't bet on them, don't join a football pool, a fantasy league. On Sundays get up, crack open a beer, don your Colts toque, grab a bag of Louisiana hot sauce chips, and enjoy the next 12 hours of your life - relish in Sunday football. But no - I joined a fantasy league and as much as part of me enjoys it, the fact that I'm losing sucks. I hate to lose. Once in a while it's okay - weekly, no. That is why I don't play golf. If I can't be consistently good at something - forget it. Especially when the outcome is out of my hands. I can't call Lendale White and Santana Moss into my office and give them a talking to. I can't stand in front of Eli Manning. look him in the eye and shrug. I can't throttle my Tennessee defense when they lose points for my fantasy team Turf Dogs and I can't change bye weeks. So I ask you - why? Why do I subject myself to fantasy football? Because a pure sports enthusiast loves the goddamn challenge and if you like football, NFL style, you gotta enjoy a little bit of pain.


Speaking of pain - I can't tell you how disappointed I am that Canada's men's national soccer team did not qualify for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Well, I can tell you how disappointed I am but you'll have to read it from my Toro column Sports Extras - here's the link - http://www.toromagazine.com/?q=node/794

Four days till Sunday - think I'll get a Proline!