Sometimes the hardest thing for a writer to write is the truth, and yet I strive for truth to be present in everything I write and for everything I write to be true. As a kid, seeking truth was my life goal. Over the years I learned that truth is not what I thought it was. I am mystified and driven by it and ultimately realized that the truth was all around me, present and communicating and feeding me every moment for the past fifteen years of my life. The ultimate joy, the greatest gift I have been given on this earth, in this life has been the truth and for me it came in the form of a beautiful, intelligent, wise, funny, instinctual creature - my incredible husky/cross Little Man Tate - Tate for short.
When Tate passed away on July 19th, I felt that he guided us as beautifully and heroically through death as he did life. We have learned from him and grown because of him. Adjusting to his spirit's presence opposed to his physical presence is painful and yet enlightening for his spirit is as strong as it ever was. He is too powerful a being to not continue to envelop our days. I even believe that when he moved on to the next leg of his journey, that the earth new one of its greatest beings had left it.
I always thought an incredible animal like Tate would be immortal. When he died, I thought of one of my favourite passages from Marguerite Duras' novel The Lover,
"People ought to be told of such things. Ought to be taught that immortality is mortal, that it can die, it's happened before and it happens still. It doesn't ever announce itself as such - it's duplicity itself...It's while it's being lived that life is immortal, while it is still alive."
As a writer I have always dealt with pain and suffering and confusion and perplexity by pouring my thoughts and feelings into words - so it only seems fitting in honor of Tate, in honor of the ultimate truth that I have to write about him - my guru, my best friend, my spirit guide - our Wolf Totem. Our hearts are breaking Tate but our souls are together always. You were always my angel.